Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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