You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this just has baby written all over it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
