i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
