You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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