i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
