I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
