your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
