I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
