Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
