apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
