I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
