at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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