So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
