bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize