Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
