As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
