It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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