Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
