During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
