PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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