I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
