yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
