Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
