I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
