This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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