After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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