well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
