So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
