Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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