The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
