Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
