and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
