I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
