kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
