So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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