i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
