At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
