my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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