Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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