ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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