Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
