these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
