That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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