TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
