we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
