The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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