I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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