So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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