So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
