I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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