I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
