You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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