great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
