Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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