put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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