Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
