i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
