Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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