Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my phone needs a breathalizer
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
