you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
