i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
