the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
