Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
