my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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